Have you been in a relationship where you suddenly find yourself hating the person that you love (or once loved)? In as much as you love them so much, certain things that they do just get to you in a way that you just feel like snapping their neck! But how did you get to that point? It is something I once called Emotional Inertia. Let me explain.
In simple terms (for those who don’t remember physics from secondary school) inertia means that things don’t like change and would rather remain where they are at any given time. That is: an object that is in motion will like to continue in motion if it is not stopped by an external force. Or if it was just resting, it will like to continue resting until it is disturbed by an external force.
Sometimes in relationships we get into fights that go on for so long that we forget what it was we were fighting about initially. Some people never come to the realization (external force) that the problem they face in their relationship today, was over a fight from 8 months ago that has now become the norm because both parties were either to proud or stubborn to compromise, and everyone has forgotten what even started the fight.
It takes a lot of mindfulness to ask yourself “why are things this way?” and until you get to that point (external force), the law of inertia will continue to remain in play. You can tell when you’re in this “zone” because there will be certain things seem fine when others do them, but when your partner does them it becomes the most annoying thing in the world! Then you wake up one morning and realize that the mare sight of your lover just makes you angry to the bones. Some call it “love-hate relationship” and one can only wonder how it is possible to hate someone that you love, simultaneously.
On the other hand, some people seem to find it easy for their love for a certain someone to turn into hate, especially after the relationship is over. I called this The “Break Up” ideology many years ago, and it still amazes me how people can go from strangers to friends, then to lovers and then back to strangers, or even worse… enemies! I never had such experience though, and because they say “never say never” I won’t say that I will “never” hate someone I love or once loved. I also do not see how it is possible though, for love to turn into hate. People can be extremely annoying, but to the point of hating them? I really don’t know!
I have been on both sides of the table several times… I have dumped and been dumped, and still never got to the point of hating any one of previous lovers. Some of them have even completely cut communication with me (breakup ideology) and removed me completely from their lives. Nevertheless though, I am still friends with most of people with whom I have had some kind of relationship with in the past, because I know that the end of a romantic relationship is NOT the end of a friendship.
I have also had friends for whom I unknowingly developed strong feels for, after spending much time with them and getting to know them. You know, when you talk to someone and you are so charmed with their conversation and their brainy style of conversing that you unwillingly (or even willingly) develop feelings for them. Even at that, I still valued my friendship with them over my desire for them that it is difficult or impossible to hate them because they do not feel the same way that I feel about them.
In my opinion, people are just too selfish when it comes to things of the heart. Some others are overprotective that it turns into something negative, and in turn hurts or harms those around them. I have seen both cases far too many times. I have been heartbroken too, and a little more than I wanted but it only made me love fearlessly, rather than fearfully.
Hate is such a strong word, and even if I never loved a person, I won’t hate them. I cannot think of one person that I hate or that I hated in the past. There are those who I dislike (even a lot), and maybe I hate their behaviors (hate the sin, not the sinner) but never the person. We all do different things for different reasons and it takes maturity to understand their reasons, even though you may not support or agree with them. Nevertheless, it is never worth the hate.
They say that if one can hate, one can love, because both love and hate originate from the same area of the brain. Does that make love and hate opposites sides of the same coin?
PS: This article was inspired by another post by a dear friend. You can read it here: You want me to hate you, but I won’t…
Be kind to share your opinion in the comment section below